...what self proclaimed geek hasn’t felt a frisson of excitement or stroked up a frenzy with all that gorgeous touchscreenery that’s become the mainstay of small hand-held devices.
How can I fail to be flattered? My slightest touch moves him. He gleefully lights up in my presence. In a world full of uncertainty, of this I can be sure: my iMac loves me, yes he does, truly he does, he really, really does.
Recent talk and media coverage surrounding University of Maastricht’s artificial intelligence researcher, David Levy’s thesis "Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners," in which he proposes that robots will become so human-like in appearance, function and personality that many people will fall in love with them, have sex with them and even marry them, has had my mind spinning in all directions, reflecting on the kind of current relationships I have with the machines in my life – none of which I think can be seriously considered “robots”, although even the definition of “robot” if Wikipedia is to be believed, seems as contentious and fraught with complexity as the actual prospect of considering a life-long attachment to a robot partner .
That’s not to say I don’t find machines sexy, because I do, very much so – what self proclaimed geek hasn’t felt a frisson of excitement or stroked up a frenzy with all that gorgeous touchscreenery that’s become the mainstay of small hand-held devices – you know, I’m always up for a bit of old fashioned pinching and squeezing! Zoom me! Zoom me!
More and more those silky screens, like needy lovers, demand our touch, responding under our fingertips just so. And it’s not just screens that quicken our pulse, geeks everywhere wax lyrical on the tactile quality of keyboards, describing and discussing the exquisite minutiae of our interaction with all things QUERTY – the sound, the feel, the way the keys travel, their placement, their responsiveness, their profile, all this encased in bodies that are smaller, sleeker, slimmer, thinner, lighter and shinier! Touch typing has never been so sexy.
But the discussion on robot love made me realise that my own machine love is selective, picky, very particular and possibly fickle. I do not love my mobile phone. There I’ve said it.
Although, to be entirely fair we’ve never really got to know each other, well, not in the way that my lovely digital camera knows me. (I spent no less than four months searching and researching the purchase of that camera – I wanted references, reviews and testimonials – when I fall in love it’s rarely at first sight.)
My funny, red phone on the other hand was bought on the spur of the moment and is very nearly old enough to be considered vintage or classic and looked upon fondly with nostalgia as an icon of a simpler age. It may even be on the verge of being fashionably retro. But for me, it just serves a purpose, and a fairly basic one at that. It’s functional, but I don’t despair or fret if we’re parted for any length of time. It could quite rightly complain of me, “She just doesn’t understand me!” and perhaps I never will.
On the other hand, I do love my iMac with a flamey-white-hot passion that’s only now settling into an easy compatibility spiced with mutual admiration. The very same qualities I admire and desire in a life partner are all here - smart, stable, reliable, sexy, capable, fun to be around and there for me. What’s not to love?
Even though we’ve been together a couple of years now, I’m not taking our relationship for granted – there’s still plenty of mystery, I don’t claim to know all its secrets, not by a long shot, but my iMac is very obliging and seems to humour me, and is even tolerant of my ongoing fling (can a fling be ongoing?) with the delightful toyboy of the Macworld – my Apple iBook (He’s just there for emergencies, you know…)
I’ve considered adding one of those wafer thin new Mac keyboards to this machine and I’m often lured into parting with cash for those clever little software programs that make my computer even more gorgeous than it is and convince me that I’m really quite creative (Get iGlasses and play with your cam – trust me, it’s great fun) – is that the equivalent of buying your sweetie a swank new tie, flowers, chocolates or flirty lingerie?
Ell Ell was the one who talked too much in class. Having been thoroughly seduced by the internet, she remains firmly in love with technology, writing and the English language. She is a self-proclaimed flibbertigibbet with a penchant for vulgarity and a weakness for anything shiny. She still talks too much and is easily distracted.
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GI Pin Up: Ella Morton
GI Rising Star: Tom Wood